Community

Whether it is just my perception of Mr. Grauer’s life or reality, his photos and the community of bears that are his friends reminds me that I often find myself alone, in need of contact, and am in a constant search for acceptance and belonging. The stay at home policy has put into perspective the lack of community in New York and particular here on ultra-conservative Staten Island; I can’t think of anyone I could walk around the corner to just hang out with.

Given the conservative nature of the borough I call home, not many people know my sexual preference, and I do not have an overwhelming desire to burst out shouting my sexual preference. However, more and more I do less and less to proactively hide it. My family has met rudder as a friend, and I don’t try to hide my gay friends from my family, though I do ask my friends not make my family uncomfortable. Those people that know I am gay are all themselves gay, though this expanding group is geographically widespread and mostly linked by the internet chatting. Most people I know probably would not consider me “out” nor do I consider myself such, however, many of my gay friends are often surprised that I am not given how relaxed I am about it.

Finding someone I could feel comfortable with here in the borough is somewhat unlikely. Partly it is fear of congregating with other gay men in a conservative borough and my own need for the feeling of safety, and partly it is the difficulty of finding people who are both like-minded, similarly life-situated, trustworthy and gay. That seems to point toward looking outside my borough, but the truth is that the pup community is still very much a burgeoning community, and unlike the bear community there is no critical mass of supportive and like minded people. Geographically, the closest pup I know is nipper in Oceanside.

So what is the solution? Perhaps to become more involved with the bear community? Perhaps to fear less, and get to know other gay men here and risk my sexual preference be more easily discoverable? Certainly, there is no easy answer to this, but I think I do need to make more friends locally. In the meantime, rudder continues to do his best to calm me and remind me I am very much needed and loved.

==============================

A music video for this post:


The Beatles, Come Together