One of the reasons that I moved to New York City was to enjoy the endless calendar of things to do here from opera, to concerts, to theater, to gardens, to shopping. It is a rare week when I have not gone into the City at least once or twice. To take full advantage of all that the City has to offer, I plan out days far in advance and because of that also am not one for surprises. Normally, I lead a very structured and planned life, and I tend to get annoyed when my schedule is interrupted or my planning is poorly done.
On top of that, I tend to be a touch obsessive compulsive, so I like certain things done a certain way, and certain things in certain places. When you have lived alone for years, as I have, this is compounded by routine, and habit. While I have guests often in my house, typically my gay friends from around the Northeast, and while I enjoy their company, the introverted side of me really doesn’t enjoy having people in my personal space messing up the way things are run in my house and how things are located and placed. That feeling is something I ignore for the most part in order to satisfy my need to have friends – a way to make it easy to have friends around who are geographically diverse. The feeling is there, but I just bite my tongue and tell myself to relax and enjoy the company.
Yet with rudder, I never feel that way. Life improves when he is around. When rudder asked me whether he could make a surprise visit over the Labor Day weekend, my reaction was not of annoyance that my plans would be derailed or frustration at having to try to squeeze him into my calendar, but rather of excitement that I would have another chance to share life with this special man that has agreed to be my partner. And strangely, with rudder, my OCD doesn’t flare up. He can clean, and move things around, and yet, I still manage to find things, and for some reason I am never annoyed.
I have lived alone for years and though he has only stayed with me briefly for a few weeks at a time, rudder’s absence in our house has a depressing effect, something that Craig often experienced when I would leave Baltimore after a great weekend together, and it is something that I am wary of. My self-imposed exile from the wonders of New York City this past week or so to save money for my trips, has certainly heightened the realization of how much I miss my pup, and how much he means to me. Rudder cannot yet be here with me full time for many sensible, practical and logical reasons but it sure doesn’t make the emptiness of the house any easier to bear. Perhaps I am naïve, but I can’t help but think that for all these reasons and more, he is the perfect man for me, that this is true love.
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Music video for this post:
Andrew Lloyd-Weber, I Believe My Heart, performed by Duncan James and Keedie
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